So you think you're in love?
Love. The strongest four letter word known to humankind. So strong, yet you think you’ve found it. Awesome! I am genuinely happy for you. However, before you proceed any further in proclaiming your love for the current partner that you are with, please take to the time to consider the remainder of this post.
To start off, I’d like to say that in no way am I a professional counselor, a “professor of love”, or any other master on the concept of love. I have no expertise in this area and I’ve barely scraped the surface of experiencing what true love is. I am however a person who analyzes situations and asks big questions. Especially those big deep questions that people don’t like to answer in fear of finding the truth that comes out of them.
In my analysis for understanding “What is Love?” I’ve been doing some reading and came upon a page within Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages”. I don’t think I’ve come upon a more clearer set of words that describes human phenomenon the way in which Chapman describes the differences between the “in-love” experience and the “emotional need” to feel loved. This excerpt comes specifically from chapter 10 which is titled “Love is a Choice”. Take a look for yourself.
“Fortunately, I had discovered in the earlier years of my own marriage the difference between the “in-love” experience and the “emotional need” to feel loved. Most in our society have not yet learned the difference.
The “in-love” experience is on the level of instinct. It is not premeditated; it simply happens in the normal context of male-female relationships. It can be fostered or quenched, but it does not arise by conscious choice. It is short-lived (usually two years or less) and seems to serve for humankind the same function as the mating call of the Canada goose.
The “in-love” experience temporarily meets one’s emotional need for love. It gives us the feeling that someone cares, that someone admires us and appreciates us. Our emotions soar with the thought that another person sees us as number one, that he or she is willing to devote time and energies exclusively to our relationship. For a brief period, however long it lasts, our emotional need for love is met. Our tank is full; we can conquer the world. Nothing is impossible. For many individuals, it is the first time they have ever lived with a full emotional tank, and it is euphoric.
In time, however, we come down from that natural high back to the real world. If our spouse has learned to speak our primary love language, our need for love will continue to be satisfied. If, on the other hand, he or she does not speak our love language, our tank will slowly drain, and we will no longer feel loved. Meeting that need in one’s spouse is definitely a choice. If I learn the emotional love language of my spouse and speak it frequently, she will continue to feel loved. When she comes down from the obsession of the “in-love” experience, she will hardly even miss it because her emotional love tank will continue to be filled. However, if I have not learned her primary love language or have chosen not to speak it, when she descends from the emotional high, she will have the natural yearnings of unmet emotional needs. After some years of living with an empty love tank, she will likely “fall in love” with someone else, and the cycle will begin again.”
Woah. That’s some real shit right? Now you’re questioning whether or not you’re really in love and many thoughts are racing into your mind. Most importantly, it got you thinking. If so, my job is done and I’d love to hear more about your thoughts on this in the comments section below. If you’re really curious and want to know more about what the “love languages” are that Chapman mentioned above, I highly recommend getting the book. Once again, the title is “The 5 Love Languages: The Secrets to Love That Lasts”. Take care my friends.
